Get Well Soon

Posted by bryanzug - 2005/10/21

Get well soon — you know who you are — I am sorry this is happening to you — I am also praying for you (seriously, despite what follows).

This is an off topic post but frankly, I’m pissed, so here goes.

I just found out a couple of days ago that a friend I work with is sick — really sick — sudden onset of leukemia over 40 years old sick.

It has me quite angry — shaking my fist at the universe on his behalf (or God for the misery coping theists like me out there).

It’s the kind of angry where I have no capacity to write warm fuzzy get well notes on Hallmark cards (you know those cards – the ones with the flowers and the sunsets and the bad poetry written in flowing script).

On the card that came around the office on Friday I couldn’t bring myself to write the things that social propriety tells me belong on cards like that. Call it a lack of composure if you want, I really don’t care.

I think I started out by saying “What you are going through completely sucks.”

And this is the space I’m still stewing in.

He’s a great guy (I don’t know how he feels about blogging etc. so I’m not going to mention names). We’ve worked together for about 2 years now. Some of the anecdotes that come to mind —

…whenever I pass him in cubeville he’s zinging some funny quip that takes the edge off of things — and God knows we need less edges — I love him for that.

…he’s got two teen daughters who sound like they are pretty smart – so much so that I’ve been asking him how I can raise my kids (infant and toddler) to be so smart.

…he works so hard with the teams around him to keep impossibly lame systems up and running — and he does a great job of it.

(and, yes, that is an open shot at vendors who make non robust systems and then expect other folks to spend their lives picking up the slack — lamer than lame, in my not so humble opinion – for God’s sake, please cowboy up and make great shit that works).

This is the friend of mine who is really sick and I am heartbroken.

All I can think about is how angry I am and how much my guts are screaming, “This ain’t the way things are supposed to be – why is this chaos, this illness, this system crashing bug — why is this ripping into our systemized orderly bit driven lives?”

“There are a lot of other guys in the universe who deserve shit like this –” (we’ve all got our lists, don’t we?) “– but not this guy, not my friend.”

And the only comfort coming to mind as I write this is a piece of ancient commiseration that goes like this –

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

While I completely agree with this notion on an intellectual level (and what follows it in the original text), my heart is still saying —


          This is completely fucked.

          Why is this happening to my friend?

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  1. […] talented — or so very good and undeserving of untimely death (like your Grandpa Gordy or my friend Marc Kaser or my friend […]

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